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Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (25 unread)

January 07, 2006
5:37
Moving...
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

Happy New Year Everbody,

We're moving =D Due to technical difficulties with blogger (aka snail-like speed).

Chronicles of A Utopian Writer has a new improved home @ [silveraminoacid.wordpress.com]
January 06, 2006
18:04
Happy New Year everybody, part of my ...
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

Happy New Year everybody, part of my new year’s resolutions was that i can not waste more precious time waiting for blogger to sign in, and then to load, and then to publish my post. In a nutshell, am sick and tired of Blogger therefore i’ve decided to switch to Wordpress. A lot of my friends say am a nomad, first livejournal and then blogger, now Wordpress. Who knows what next? But i’ve always been this way, a restless soul refusing to stay put.

My new blogsite:

http://silveraminoacid.wordpress.com
December 17, 2005
7:21
New Year's Resolutions
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

New Year's Resolutions

There is always a story behind everything, one we might not expect, and today we're
going to explore the New Years Resolutions story. I've asked 20 people randomly when
do they think the New Years Resolutions tradition started.

10 out of 20: Thought it started after the cold war.
5 out of 20: Thought it started in the late 60's (And that the hippies were the ones
to invent it along with the term "Groovy")
3 out of 20: Thought it started in the late 80's, early 90's.
2 out 20: Gawked and told me "Huh?"

So the question is... when did the New Year's Resolutions tradition begin?

Answer: The tradition of the New Year's Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C.

Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar. He was always depicted with two faces, one on the front of his head and one on the back. Apparently Janus had two faces, so he could look back on thy past and forward to the future. Sounds surreal, that our current celebrated tradition has that kind of story: Mythology, symbolism, and history...

Could it be that those elements of the story are the ones that make it almost impossible to achieve. How many people do you hear saying "I've accomplished my New Year's resolutions." Could it be that those goals we put ahead of us are just a myth, a small figment of history we can't let go of, or perhaps a symbol we forgot the purpose of its symbolism and deemed it real. These are of course my own ramblings, but there are teams of researchers around the world that actually investigate this phenomenon. Also, they are people who dedicated 20 years or more to discover the true reasons why we can not keep up with our own goals.

Marlatt who studied this subject for over 20 years gives us tips about how
to achieve your resolutions:
• Have a strong initial commitment to make a change.
• Have coping strategies to deal with problems that will come up.
• Keep track of your progress. The more monitoring you do and feedback you get, the
better you will do.

Sure-fire ingredients for setting yourself up for resolution failure, he adds,
include:
• Not thinking about making resolutions until the last minute.
• Reacting on New Year's Eve and making your resolutions based on what's bothering
you or is on your mind at that time.
• Framing your resolutions as absolutes by saying, "I will never do X again."

According to research, the Top 10 Most Common New Year Resolutions are:

1. Lose weight

2. Stop smoking

3. Stick to a budget

4. Save or earn more money

5. Find a better job

6. Become more organized

7. Exercise more

8. Be more patient at work/with others

9. Eat better

10. Become a better person

Have you prepared your New Year's Resolutions Yet? Am in the process of posting them, feel free to post your resolutions. On a side note, Jameed, cracked me up with his "2006 surprise", i think one of his resolutions would be "Get stainless steel knifes" =)
December 13, 2005
13:34
Registration Festival in the JU
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

To begin your worst nightmare press F5...

To be stuck in a boring lecture press F7

To confirm selling your soul to the devil in exchange for a pass with an impossible
professor press F8

To clear your university records and head to the nearest industry press F9

To exit this nightmare and go back to the Adab Street and gossip with your friends(in
your small perfect world) press F10

To withdraw from a subject your friends warned you that's not an easy A press F12

I just love December: Christmas, my birthday, snow, and New Year's Eve. Well, let us elaborate on my perfect December, it's almost mid December and it's not raining. I've lost my sense of Christmas since i joined the JU. New Year's Eve is gonna a total movie night, unless i wish to get myself killed with a possible bombing threat. And am not as excited to enter the Adulthood; sweet sixteen wasn't even better so.. all those overestimated milestones are crap to me.

The highlight of this December however, is my first registration. Known as the "Al tasjeel al modamer", "Youm el raked - since u gotta unlock some classes and get
signed papers", "Stress Day", "Time-to-reconsider-your-options-in-a-decent-life Day".
The registration has been postponed to further notice; due to mysterious reasons
(a.k.a computers crashed as usual). The thing that amuses me the most, is how everybody hates the registration yet no one is planning to do something about it. The students should definitely demand a better system of registration, and this whole
"sign-the-papers-from-the-dean" is... well.... no comment!!
December 09, 2005
11:19
So you wanna be a swan?
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

Strip naked and go to the lake. Unusually, yesterday, i sat down to watch my favorite shows and one of those being Point Pleasant, was later on, and i watched the rerun of
a Fox show called "The Swan". Now, i don't know if any of you have watched it before,
but i did all throughout the course of an hour with a raised brow and big exclamation
mark as my aura.
The show's synopsis: a group of diverse woman come to the show feeling unloved and crashed by their low self esteem and apparently the answer to all that is Plastic surgery. Yes, they feel ugly and invisible... some because of their weight or their huge nose or even their sagging tummy. They are helped by a group of "Specialists" mainly plastic surgeons, dentist, and a shrink. They get it all free, along with a chance to be in a beauty pageant in which only one women would be crowned The Swan.

Now, correct me if i am wrong, i do not recall the Ugly Duckling tale as this. To fresh everyone's memory, click here to read the original tale. The ugly duckling didn't become a Swan because she was assisted by Plastic Surgeons and Davinci veneers. She became a swan because she was born one. We associate beauty to this white, graceful, feathered bird. Why? Because we were taught to do so, we were taught to believe that thin people look better than overweight. What supports my theory? Back in the old days, a plump woman was all our Arabic poets wrote for, and a thin women would be considered incomplete. Ahh! The irony, which brings me back to this subject.Even if they change her face and body, maybe she'll gain confidence, but am sure if she can't change that nagging feeling of the ugly duckling she'll never be a Swan. No matter how white she is.

Sexiness, gracefulness, beauty all shine from inside. It is a typical thing to say, but if you are uncomfortable in your current state, a lot a procedures could help you. Dieting, Yoga, Exercise, taking on new hobbies, joining self esteem support
groups. You do not need a plastic face staring back at you to be beautiful.
The question is.. so you wanna be beautiful? What makes you think that beautiful woman are happy? You see beauty is a variable thing, and i believe powerful people get the good things in life, if you label yourself as an ugly duckling, no mask or silicon in the whole world could change that in you.

Now Fox claims they have a shrink working on their problems, but the fact is if you watch carefully, that shrink is merely non existent in those journals compared to the plastic surgeons. As much as i love to think our youth is going to be a bright
generation, i see the obsession with beauty more evident that before. Teenagers now
are seeking to perform plastic surgeries to look like Jessica Simpson or Shakira.
Some of them are diagnosed with Anorexia thanks to the false Photoshop images of
models on magazine covers. You see they do not place a warning: caution nobody looks
like this in reality. They are pulling our youth to a dead end, a shallow fatal one.
So you wanna be a Swan? I hope to god this is a rhetorical question, because if it
wasn't, I’d be disappointed to realize many people can not differentiate between the
real world and a first grade fairytale.
December 06, 2005
8:44
To learn or not to learn..
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

That is the question. As a English literature student I was genuinely excited
for the moment i could sign up for Latin 101. Learning Latin not only was a personal
joy aspect in my life, I’ve always deemed it to be an important element in my education as a writer and teacher. But the truth dawned lately that Latin courses have been canceled in the JU. For mysterious reasons being the smurf that I am, I’ve decided to check with the faculty's administration in regards to this action. Latin not only is essential for English Literature and Language but also is to every single double major in the faculty e.g.: Spanish/English, Italian/English. And as i type now, %90 of what am writing is derived or borrowed from Latin.
So why Latin is canceled? We obviously don't have an instructor anymore, and demand for Latin courses have diminished throughout the years that the faculty head decided to cancel it. Now that's a shame, especially for a growing university like ours.
So, the solution: self-learning. I went to borrow a couple of Latin books from the JU library; and i couldn't resist scolding the staff there. The book i had in my hand was published in 1919, an ancient book; if i didn't know better i would have said that Julius Caesar dropped by and gave it to the library. The ancient books on that shelf were dusty and scattered. Now, as much as i love the fact the i found good books to learn from; i believe those books belong behind glass. Because such ancient books not only are part of our history, they are an integral part of the library's treasures in which should be displayed. I care for books more than anything in my life, and I’ve learnt to protect them better than i would have protected myself. So i know, when i borrow such a book i make sure it is safe and cleaned. But on the other hand, you can not guarantee others will be as careful as i am. And maybe those bored jaywalkers in the aisles would flip the pages careless while sending a message to their awaited loud friend to arrive. Some books ought to be removed and kept safe.
The other issue am gonna discuss today and it is related to books. This obnoxious epidemic the JU students have: they sit on their books. They use their books as a safety mat for their precious jeans and pants. How many people in the civilized world would you see sitting on a book, jeopardizing its cover; leaving it prone to damage, stains or even tearing.
I've been pondering for a couple of months, what would get people interested in books again. With each new generation in our society, the passion of books seems to diminish. And speaking of passion, i am placing a poll for what should the book club be called. We are in our final stages of organizing and deciding the mechanism of the book club. For any people interested in joining, please contact me at: aminozawawi@hotmail.com
If you would like to receive more information about the club, please check the section am gonna be adding in the next couple of days containing all he crucial details.
November 10, 2005
3:45
Terrorism is not my option
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

I've been lurking around watching Amman for the past couple of weeks,
traveling from spot to spot, writing about it.. and promised myself am not going to post until that beautiful surprise piece is over. But the news of yesterday has brought me here dumbfounded, unable to believe that my bubble of security and stability has been popped by the fingers of dynamite. A lot of people are sitting in front of their tvs, glued to their screens waiting
to hear a name: but we shall not hear a name. We hear a ghost they glue every single act to "Al-Qaida".
You may ask, why do i call them a "ghost". The bombings of the two towers, Madrid, Egypt, and many others... what do they all have in common. "Al-Qaida claims X attacks."
They are a ghost to me, because the world chose for it to be that way, invisible yet scares the shit out of people, wandering around the earth with unfinished business. Their "unfinished business" is to redeem whatever they believe in with murder and fear. If they call what they are doing: Islam, then we can say Humans live on Mars. I am not here to point fingers, i am enraged as usual with the bombings, but perhaps this time even more because it is in the very same capital where i was born. I am here speaking in the voice of the young generation, those who should not be tempted into such crazy cults. I ask the United Nations and those G8 countries to find the cause of this misery. To pull out its roots from the ground, what is the perecentage of Al-Qaida compared to the earth's population. I do not care about those millions the world is spending on cosmetics and fashion, and this money could have been employed for a better cause: AIDS, World Hunger, and now enrooting Al Qaida.
I do not have a microphone or a TV camera in front of me. I do not have bombs or guns, but am here as a young person who stumps his feet in the ground and screams "I claim the right to live peacefully. I claim the right to stand up high and say blame is not my solution, killing is not my thing."

We should all stand up united, young and old, and say "Terrorism is not my
option. And now i claim the right to live."
October 07, 2005
15:01
Smurf is back...
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

Ah! The weekend, this word is like music to my ears. Sheesh, it's been long since i posted. My life has been a mess, basically because am "adapting" to a new environment aka JU. Where islamists want to show you the light, satanics want you to join the cult, cool people sit at the back and people who forgot their glasses sit in the front. Sounds typical so far? Oh yeah! Well, my first week at the JU seemed to be shocking to some, basically because i enjoyed my time. Most kiddos suffer on their first semester, new friends, new places, you get lost and found (eventually). Well, being the social fiend i am, i got to know most of the Adab people on my
first week. My friends were kinda shocked, for two reasons:
a) I seem to be in a jolly mood.
b) Am over-friendly.

Why is that i changed? I don't know, they say university changes people. Or maybe it's because when i was in school it was different. A limited number of people to adapt to, to be friends with, whether you like them or not. Compared to the 30,000 students in the university, hell yeah am gonna change. I mean, the whole process is amazing, meeting new people that intrigue you.Getting to know what they like, and what they don't, their siblings and their odd hobbies ranging from: shooting empty beer bottles, collecting dead insects, watching the commercial channel, and watching silent movies. I mean your friends that you lived with for twelve years never seize to amaze you from time to time. But this is different, it's a whole new building process: impressions, experiences, laughter, anger. I have my friends asking me "Amino, where the hell do you go in the breaks?"

Where the hell don't i go in the breaks you mean! The university is like a treasure hunt for me, getting to know every corner, secret places, secret societies (yes they do exist), and joining events (except for the Smurf Gathering thing). The thing is, most of my friends now are sticking together, calling up each other to meet; basically afraid to be alone. But who can blame them? It's a new place, but for me i think it's better to be alone, not to stick with your circle of friends, otherwise how will you meet new people?

For some whose athletic like me, you can guess where i spend most of my time: the gym (the infamous gym that most smurfs pout when i tell them it exists). Basketball... running on the
track... reading on the benches... or even laughing my ass off in the changing rooms (where you'll meet girls who are in the "Reyada" but look like they're going to a party). Ohh.. loads of stuff to tell, but i don't know how to organize my thoughts.

On my second week, i had my share of basic smurf shock: assignments. Yes, the big ugly A, three reports to be delivered in 2 days about a Chimp named Koko, Animal cognition, and Sabaweeh (flash news:that's the Persian guy who put the arabic language on track, yep he's Persian not arabic).

I worked my ass off to research, summarize, and write an essay about. I came to thy cluttered lecture to discover every single person has copied and pasted the info on the net. Hellooo? Plagiarism? Was i the only one who was taught you do not copy other people's work. Well, the professor kinda warned them in a nice way, but i was intrigued that most of us are not taught how to write a research the right way (of course that was a must in the IG).

My other share of B.S.S (Basic Smurf Shock)... the friendliness you're treated with at the library, think again, they're the rudest unhelpful people on planet earth. You ask them for help, they mock you, they snigger as they watch your smurf butt suffer trying to understand the idiotic classification system.

Well, that's it people. I am sorry for this disoriented dysfunctional post, will post later on. After am done with the linguistics chapters...

P.S: Happy Ramadan to all..
September 14, 2005
16:52
Chronicles of a very gullible smurf....
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

Now, that would be cool right? And the pic posted expresses our utmost zest and enthusiasm being the smurfs we are. On second thought, nah it's not. Being a JU smurf isn't
exactly the best situation you could be stuck in. Why?

Bare my attitude, and read my story.

So i go to the Al Hasan Bin Talal Hall, holding my official paperwork, and am met by a very
friendly student guide who hands me this "Gift". And i am shocked, what gift could they
grant us?

And here am gonna ask you to visit Robz's post here. The student handbook and map are a
"gift". Wait, i thought they were obliged to provide us with such stuff when we first
applied. Oh never mind that. The pen doesn't work, and the map is wrong, and the caricature
inside the booklet is basically well "Vulgar". Why vulgar? We have such a beautiful
language, and instead we use common slang that basically made me feel well.. pissed. Cause
let me say it in their common slang - 3am ibtestahbeloni? I mean, it is kinda of funny if
you're in a good mood. But maybe it's not that funny when you stand in line to get a piece
of paper that says what subjects do you have. Followed by a visit to your Academic Advisor
who is sitting in open space surrounded by hordes of people, and asks you to pick a subject
besides the other three. I stood there "What?"

I didn't know what the hell am doing, and why the hell there isn't a single elective in
there that is related to my field of study. And when i tried to ask, well there are
gagllion of gals pushing me into the wall. We have absolutely no sense of line,
organization, and our life is a perfect example of El 7esbeh.

We are poor gullible smurfs that do not need jokes and funny caricatures in our student
booklet. Rather than a simple explanation of what we're doing. A girl in line asked me
"Listen, so am gonna be taking those 3 subjects for the rest of the four years?"

Imagine, how naive we are when it comes well to our first year. The student handbook should
have been given to us beforehand, not during the registration. It is a wonderful
initiative, the "gift", and the guides and the unusual friendliness we were treated with.
However, we are not satisfied, because we are small blue creatures that can not understand
the university system on our own. We are not satisfied, because our blue skin becomes very
itchy when we have to perform everything we don't know in a rush. And our small white tiny
feet hurt when 4th years send with false directions to the Southern Gates. So here is a
post from a poor gullible smurf, I can't wait to start the uni courses - where of course
my smurfness will gradually vanish by trial and error.
September 12, 2005
1:12
The Camera Of Life
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

This is how she applied the water proof mascara to her eyes,slowly and carefully, dressed in her new clothes, the chain of pearls adorning her neck. The dress soaked and dipped in
invisible gold, otherwise it is unexplainable why is it so
expensive. The throats slaughtered for her fur coat -feel free to explain this pun the way you want. She bit her lip while staring at her image in the mirror "Perfect... girls will be burning with green envy tonight."

Click....

Girl in rags, standing by the corner of a dirty London street,perched like an owl waiting for the right moment. Her eyelashes are broken and bare, her rags are soaked and dipped in dirt - real and hard. She collects the crumbs of bread from the tables in the diner each Saturday. The ladies and gents laughing,
flirting, and dancing while she sits in the back washing the dishes. Her frock locked by the sink's door. She smiles... wipes sweat from her brow by the back of her wrist. Soap...water..
scrub... water... scrub it clean. The manager bounces back from the hall, hurrying the cooks and cursing the busboys. Her narrow hips camouflage her silky long hair. Among the busboys,
her girl status is dropped. By the cabinet an old broken mirror is hung, three different images stare back at her. She tames her hair with her fingers, the dark circles engulfing her
puffed eyes, the small wound on her finger trying to heal - her heart surprisingly refusing to. She stares for a minute or two, sneaks a peek at through the small parlor window, a customer
leaves his plate unfinished. She smiles, biting her lip.
"Perfect...I will be eating tonight."

Click...

"Perfect...someone will be thinking about his life after reading this..."
August 28, 2005
0:05
Rock my World!!
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

Imagine a very quiet Friday night, sitting on the bed, relaxed and perched in happiness for the bestseller in your hand. You touch the smooth cover, slip your fingers around the edges, your eyes watching the art anxiously. With a soft gesture you flip to the first page, skipping the introduction (that most people never read ), and onto the real deal. The author who spent almost a year writing is back home anxious for reviews, like a father waiting for his son's results. All for you to have this magical moment, the moment you first fall in love with his precious baby. The letters are elegant and curvy, like an aristocrat woman, the pages are made from a tree you never met, and probably you'll rock her world if you ever met her, let's just say that couldn't thank you more. Hint: buy the recycled editions. Nonetheless, you're in the mood, ready and ecstatic. The first sentence pushes the surge of "this is totally worth it" feeling. And then.. the unexpected happens (doesn't it always).

BANG BANG BANG - Let me rock your world baby.. let me shatter the very few moments of peace you have. Let me ruin your friday and almost everyday if you're living near families with loads of sons to marry. What am I talking about? Oh.. don't play "Clueless" with me...I loved the series way more than the movie.. but..

Fireworks! Fireworks.. viva la fireworks!! As in let's fix that rocket into the ground (with no instruction manual whatsoever), even if it hits the neighbors roof, what the hell... we're expressing our happiness, no harm.. no pain.. and no gain...

What gain? What do you exactly gain by waking every single child in the neighborhood every 2 hours with fireworks! First it was the rifles and machine guns, (gladly, we didn't reach the bazooka stage). Until, fireworks were made accessible to the public. And the general public met their newest toy available, way after the pokemon and Cassandara skirts rush!

It became a nightly ritual for me, whether it's a wedding in The Palm Village (which obviously has no palms), or it's a celebration for a dude who passed with a 56 average or if it's simply kids playing!!

Why am i so disturbed? Well, for starters I don't like the fact the Amman's sky is screaming "World War III", and i don't like waking at 1 am because someone decided he's too happy to sleep. You're too happy to sleep, put on some headphones along with "La Tortura" or whatever is hip today... and dance yourself into oblivion or sleep that is.

I mean, Enough is Enough! This epidemic is becoming way out of control... you think me and my book should go to hell fine. I mean seriously fine, think of me as the dumb neighbor and as they say it 5odni 3ala gad 3aglati. Show a pinch of altruism that our religions always preached.. rather than shower the girls walking in the streets with catcalls of "Allah yehdiki!
August 18, 2005
23:35
YAY!
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

It's been long. Well i was in the National Results Anxiety Week... yep it's a national stress holiday for all GCE students. Well the good news are, I got A's YAY for me!! That means no more weight gain (i tend to put on weight when am stressed). Well my vacation is about to end, work work work to do. That's all for now!! YAY for me!
August 09, 2005
3:18
Humor Me :: Semi-Weekly Section ::
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

Kissing Syndrome

Another incident of unique "Arabicism"...

Marhaba *kiss*, keefek *kiss on the other cheek*, a5barek *kiss*, ishta2nalek *another kiss on the other cheek.

Seems familiar huh? I can assure you that Arabs are the touchiest, most emotional nation on earth. So what am i talking about? The Kissing Syndrome, in which the Arabic world is plagued with. It's like when guests come over, you don't know what to expect. Some kiss each cheek, some do it twice, and some thrice, and believe it or not some multiples on one cheek and one at the other.

It is funny come to think of it, how each person argues how the greeting procedure could be. Someone like me for example, performs the stretch-your hand-and-stand-back method, basically to avoid the whole kissing viscous cycle. I mean, enough with the kissing already, like sometimes the individual turns when you're kissing... and you're like huh... what next... i mean the kissing cycle is confusing, not to mention makes me sick.

I mean imagine all the germs that are transferred through this process, especially that sometimes a stranger lady comes in to a gathering and i am supposed to kiss her, like "What the?"

I mean you could leave all the "Hello, how are you doing, what's new, missed you" jazz for when you sit down, not as a greeting. To me, i find this whole thing dumbfounding and irritated. I mean did i say Humor Me people? Enough with the kissing already!!
August 03, 2005
22:35
The Baby Mirror Test
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

As human beings, I believe from the first moment someone places us in front of a mirror we become addicted to that little kid smiling at us. And believe it or not, we walk around looking for that little kid, one who smiles at us radiantly and passionately, a small look of confusion and amazement in his eyes.

I believe I don't remember my Baby Mirror moment, but I remember seeing my nephew's first one. The way he smiled and tried to touch the mirror endlessly to touch that baby looking at him. Stocked with nostalgia? Not really, I am here to talk about those simple emotions. Being young isn't about Oprah's makeovers, or those anti-aging secrets, or magic pills. The Life Elixir unlikely exists anywhere other than in Harry Potter. But I believe there is a semi elixir out here in this world that only few realize: The sense of Amazement and Wonder. As children, we are amused by almost anything, but as we grow older and get sucked into the whirl of routine we suddenly lose it. Everything becomes monotonous and meaningless by the time we finish college.

Why do some people still have a young heart? Well, they try their best to try new things and endeavor into risky adventures... the kind that alerts your flight-or-fight instinct. We need to maintain that sense of wonder, and provoke amazement weekly in order to survive that whirl.

When was the last time you sat on your chair and spun like there is no tomorrow? When was the last time you shared a pack of M&M's with your friend and discussed what each color gives you at first sight. When was the last time you climbed a tree... ran a mile or wrestled with your sibling. Think young... think fun.
August 02, 2005
18:06
Hola, Salut, Hello, Ciao, Marhaba..
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)
For those guessing that i picked a Modern Languages Major.. this is your lucky day.... because... *tadaaa*
I picked an English Literature & Language major, how did i make up my mind. Well, i imagined myself tired.. and sleepy, stuck in the traffic, having a bad hair day and barely ate breakfast. And then, I thought... what major would you head on to on such a day, and still believe it's totally worth it.
The contestants of course were:
- Journalism
- English Translation
- English And Spanish
- English And Italian
- French Language and Literature
So i pondered, and came up with the ultimate test: The Peer Pressure/Society Pressure test.
Am sure you're not familiar with this test, since i've invented it a couple of years ago, but the common name for such a test is "Follow your heart."

Everyone was like: take English Translation... and you know all the jazz. And i said, maybe they're right...and I went there to the Mowazi Registration Office in the Jordanian University (I’ll get back to that later on). And my father absolutely had no idea that I actually didn't make up my mind about my Major. And as i was filling the application, the test came... I held my pen to write: English Language and Translation, and something stopped me. And the voice in my head said: come on why not, everyone seems to think it's good.

And i ended up writing English Literature and Language. I am never confused with my decision making actually, which baffles a lot of people, I just pick either one... and i know my heart in the right time will tell me what to do. A lot may say, this is stupid, but really true... my heart always seems to lead my decision making. The heart orders and the mind later on makes his best in that decision...

So... you're thinking: "Whoaa, Amino is super zealous today, with all the positive energy."

Hold that emotion for a nanosecond, because am about to spill the beans.

So because GCE students are shoved with the Internationals means that we should pay our fees in Dollars? I mean, we could easily pay the equivalent by Dinars. But noo, we have to take the sum in Jordanian Dinars, exchange them for dollars, and then give them to the bank on campus, and then the bank would transfer the sum back into dinars. Anyone spotting a flaw here? I am a Jordanian citizen, and the fact that I am in the Mowazi doesn't mean i should be treated like an International.

So I am a semi-official UJ student (With an easy number), unless i fail to get my equivalency before 1/9. How does it feel? Well, it feels great that am in the uni, not because it's the UJ. More like, it feels great to be a Uni student.

Okay, a petit confession, my happiness was focused on the fact that the Uni has a Track & Field team, cause many unis don't. I don't know if my dad actually saw me drool, when i saw the running track encircling the turf of the soccer pitch. Sports always played an integral part of my life, especially Track... the thought of running 7 laps in the sun (that's 2.8 km) makes my heart jump. The surge of adrenaline when you run, the euphoria, and sweat of achievement... they are just more than enough to brighten up my day.
July 31, 2005
0:07
With Nothing To Live For...
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

We never said anything, she just sat next to me silent searching for the unknown. She’d push her head on my shoulder harshly, shaking me from my daydream, and she’d say “What did you write? Read it for me.” She never liked reading on her own, and she’d stop me in the middle of my reading to mumble something like “Good meter” or “Been reading Walt Whitman lately?”
I would just nod, and carry on, knowing if I didn’t she’d say “Why did you stop?” And when I was done, she’d ask me to read it again, and I’d refuse saying she can read it on her own.
“You’re afraid of your voice.” She’d smile solemnly, her ear burning on my shoulder. “I think you’re gonna be famous in no time Amino.” And I’d laugh telling her she’s talking like some kind of seer in my stories. The empty field cold and silent, then she’d break the cycle. “Do you ever think of death?”

Death. I never paid attention to those small hints she sprinkled here and there, like some chef tinkering dubiously with a meal. Mixing unknown ingredients, they might turn out good or bad, or even worse maybe you’ll have guests coming over out of the blue and they’ll see the mess.
“Sometimes.” I’d tell her. “I always feel like my time on earth is short.” She’d back off like I’ve committed some felony, and scrutinize my features thoroughly.

“Don’t be silly.” She’d mumble again resting on my shoulder, and I’d feel her disturbed heartbeats, like we’ve touched the forbidden topic. But I never paid attention, it’s those small things you always omit in the moment, but remember too late.
“I wanna become a dancer.” She said laughing. “And you’d be the famous writer who’d visit the shows of the very glamorous dancer.”
“I hate ballet.” I’d remind her. “You can get into Med School without breaking a sweat.”
“I hate doctors.” She’d answer back mimicking my previous tone. “They try to postpone the inevitable.”

“Radical.” I’d mutter under my breath.

“Utopian.” She’d punch me in the arm giggling. “They should have drowned you with Atlantis.”
“How do you know Atlantis was the Utopia?” I gave her a skeptic look.
“A feeling.” Her mood would shift in a jiffy, she’d bite her nails without shame, and gaze at the sky. “Will you write a novel about our life?”
“What? The Radical and Utopian best friends?” I’d smile devilishly. “No respectable publisher would accept my manuscript.”

“Or perhaps about me, the first of course… and in bold lines the dedication would be for me.”
“The second.” I’d bargain brashly. “Two is my lucky number, and the first is reserved for Miss Jackie.”
“Fine.” She’d accept as though my book is coming out next month. “You’ll read it to me though.”

“How come?” I said confused. “A whole book?”
“How do you know I’ll have the time to read it?” She asked.
“Well, you’re not going anywhere… so you’ll have time. You’re not gonna die are you?”
“Don’t be silly.” She mumbled again avoiding my gaze. “Just make sure it’s a happy ending.”

“Sure, happiness is overestimated though!!”

“My story will have a happy ending, because that’s what I want.” She smiled ominously. “Read for me now.”

And I read…The more you live inside of my head, the more I think you were just character that I didn’t finish writing his story, or a figment of my imagination.

As I wrote the very first word in my new novel, I remembered this, and I smiled. The working title “With Nothing To Live For.”

“Good Title” You would have said if we were sitting in that field, if you were here now. But I smile, I remember, and I salute you wherever you are for awakening the value of life inside of me.

“Utopian” The voice whispers in my head… and I say now… “Radical.”
July 29, 2005
0:00
The Tawjihi Euphoria
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

First of all, i'd like to congragulate someone i am very proud of, my best friend and sister: Haneen.. for snatching that 93 from the hands of those greedy examiners who wanna keep the grades for their own muhahaha. She's gonna be a great writer one day, once she decides to pick that pen and write. And then, of course i wanna congragulate: Damz, Mira, Muna, Tahani, Dana, who did i miss? Well, back to the tawjihi Euphoria. We reached the brink of technology regarding our Tawjihi examinations; believe it or not, we were competing with Singapore regarding this issue, without the wireless internet of course.

The kiddos, well you know, people my age were hanging about the internet cafes, clutching to their mobiles, for the awaited judgment they were born for.

Flabbergasting isn't it? The whole panic and state we force into our lives, the way the Tawjihi exams are there to determine whether we get into college or not. Although many students who got F's in their lives, crammed the exams, and finally got a 87... a big example is my friend Tahani. Well, Tawjihi should not be a measure of what we learnt, i believe we should have entrance exams instead, you know for each major. Like, i bet a person who's good at math shouldn't be hanging in the English major and vice-versa.

So back to the topic, darn i keep on slipping into a different tangent. Well, the Tawjihi Euphoria, yes yes, technology and all.. and then the typical "Shoot Them Or Lose Them" celebration, with guns, machine guns, and even am afraid bazookas.

I mean, those who are actually shooting have sons with 50's and 55's. I mean, come on people, grow out of it. But actually, it's a good alarm, because i was relaxing in my room reading "The Northern Lights" by Philip Pullman; wondering when will i hear my friends' results, and then i heard the 'Jordanian Tawjihi Euphoria' and i lunged to call up my friends.

The question is, why why... can't they express their happiness with you know.. songs.. umm dancing whatever.

I have to admit though, when my results are out, i'll be missing the whole jazz, since no one gives a damn about A-levels, naturally. Well, I've been busy, and am still busy finalizing my short story, and i am reading of course.. a dozen of books.

Check out my book reviews blog for more information on the books i've read.

P.S: Am currently reading, His Dark Materials Trilogy, don't you just love Philip Pullman!!
July 24, 2005
18:46
Coming Out
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)
You were probably associating my title, to the closet part. Actually, today am coming out not from the closet, but from the cave of dreams i've been living in. Believe it or not, I've realized am a sheltered kid, with no sense of what's going on.
I go to sign up for the university, excited and stocked with hope. And as am shipped off from office to office, like i was some damaged commodity, I begin to worry... that my image of University isn't the real one.Turns out the admission process for people with GCE/IB/Etc.. is a simple process of getting back on "The invisible enemy". Okay, you're confused, but read on. Okay, here's a quick pop quiz.
- In what university in the world, is anyone accepted into English Literature and Language, without prior knowledge of English.
- In what university in the world, a person who gets straight A's in English is rejected, and someone who barely forms sentences is accepted.
- In what university in the world, a person who is good at Maths is shipped into the English major.
And even more outrageous...
- In what university in the world, a person with an 88 average, list of extracurricular activities, five international awards is "Not Good Enough".... while a person with a 65 average, with nothing whatsoever is "Good Enough" just because he's taking the Jordanian Tawjihi?
So i freaked out, and am telling the registration officer, that I've been writing all my life, am winning awards, have published poems, and am currently publishing short stories, not to mention that ever since 1st grade I had one of the highest english averages in my year.You know what he answered? He said, "Tab 3amo, ma damek bte3rafi english basics, laish ma todrosi ishi ma btet3arafeeh?" - translation: since you know the English basics, why don't you study something you know nothing about?

What? Are you kidding me? Are you mocking my sense of right and wrong? Is it just me, or as far as i can remember, that University is the higher form of learning. English basics? You want some student of yours, to walk around with an English BA; happy with his knowledge of 'English Basics', just like a hardworking student on the other side of the world with the same qualification studied 'The real University English'? So, what if he decides to pursue an education career? Just go on passing the basics to his students? And if god forbid, he decides to work on his MA abroad, he'll go to realize that he's different from any BA holder in that campus?
How come we don't have Language proficiency tests?
Yes people, am sheltered, and let's discuss the "Invisible Enemy". You see when we go to sign up, holding your GCE/IB certificate, it's like you're asking them to label you as 'Spoiled, Rich, who care about nothing.' And just because the A-levels we took, are what 2nd year university students take we're condemned and fought.
So, am not admitted into the normal stream because "I have money?", the reg. officers shift us through seven useless hours so in the end they tell us "Roo7o Mowazi?"
Now tell me, why should a person with less qualification than me get my rightful spot. Why? Because i have money? We don't buy our grades you know? We worked hard for them, we did twice as work, and we are punished for that.

And then there is the other factor, since you're good enough why don't you go abroad? What if i can't? What if i don't want to? So people assume that because we took A-levels that our parents are filthy rich and then can send anywhere. They assume because we took A-levels any university abroad is gonna accept us, and grant us scholarships. Why do they hate us so much? Why do they treat us like the enemy? Because our parents worked double shifts all through their lives, to provide us with good education? Why do some people detest us so much? So many questions, but I'll tell you something, most parents aren't born rich, and they worked hard for it. And those people controlling our university destiny, they think our parents woke up one day and the sky was raining with money. You know if i was not good enough, i wouldn't be bothered, but the university should be for the best. It should be for serious people who worked hard for it all their lives. So i came out of the cave, the moment that officer told me an even worse statement, "Most people in the GCE, complain that they're wasting their time in the English Department and that it's too easy, so study something else."
Right, am supposed to give up my passion just because you admitting the wrong people into the wrong faculty, and teaching them the wrong courses, for their supposed level. Well, you know what, i don't give a damn which university takes me, all i know is that I'll be working on my English on my own. Cause when i wanna say I've got an English BA, and i wish to apply for my MA, I want to be in the right level at the right place.
July 21, 2005
10:40
The battle for supremacy has begun...
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

I was sleeping yesterday, in a state i can't imagine, since i've had the longest nightmare in my life. It was so scary, that i was trying to pull myself out of sleep but couldn't. My best friend called, and i didn't answer.. she was sending me messages and i couldn't wake up. Ever had that kind of nightmare, where an invisible force pulls you to stay, to know what's gonna happen. It was scary, and even now, after a very cold shower and cup of coffee, the rush of adrenalin inside of me still resides. That's not my point, i woke up and wrote every detail in that nightmare... and i can proudly tell you that i've found the story i've been waiting for all my life....

I opened a new word document, I don't know what's the novel's name, everything is blank, but i can see "The Battle for supremacy has begun" as the first sentence in the blurb.

P.S: For those who didn't hear "Better alone", it's a Must. Melanie C's awaited album "Beautiful Intentions" is totally worth the wait. Especially, Better alone.
July 19, 2005
12:50
This is me...
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

In this very moment when am feeling lonely and forgotten, a notch of Coldplay's "Speed of Light" buzzing in my ears, I look around and see the lines. Everything in lines, the way it is most of the time but we don't notice it. Loneliness is not a state of being alone, it's feeling alone even when you are around people. As though you reaching for something you don't have, or you've been searching for something all your life. And through it all, I pace to and fro in my bedroom, unable to touch my guitar or call up one of my friends. We're not in the same world anymore, for some reason i do not understand. Is it me? Is it them? Why must i feel this way when all around me is perfect in its own sense of perfection. Why must i lie on my pillow every night and think "There must be more to life than this." It seems like the world around me racing, and am here struck by some invisible power of paralysis. If this is just a stage in my life, a transition, how come others my age aren't in this stage?

I told my very dear friend two days ago, "I feel like am lost in time, as if my purpose in life seems lost at some moment in the day. I feel like some writer is sitting in front of his screen scrambling with my life, trying to figure out which is the best way to edit the manuscript for a better price. "

And she smiled at me and said, "How come you can't be like us? I mean talk, like a normal teenager our age. You know.. boys, shopping, or you know gossip."

And i answered. "Look, i feel like am loosing you. My friends..."

And she said. "You're not, you just never adapted to your world. Stop looking at the world like it's one of your characters, stop talking to us about philosophy, stop looking out of the box. Live with us, live your age."

And i paused, i couldn't believe that someone i cherish so much just told me this. Maybe, that's what made me so sad and lonely right now. Her words may not be right, but they made me ponder... who is wrong and who is right? See even now, am writing the story of my life like it was a stranger's. Do people see their lives my way... do they see their lives in terms of metaphors and alliteration. Do they really walk around after a tiresome day a voice whispering in their head, "like a tree burdened with fruit, the fruit will go away, and in the end the tree will miss its burden. Burden and happiness are essential for each other."

Does this make me crazy? Does this make me an alien in my race? This is me.. no one is right or wrong...this is just me.
July 17, 2005
11:08
It's one of those days...
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

It's one of those days, where you don't wanna get out of bed. The world is spinning in your dream, and you anxiously readjust the alarm for extra 15 minutes of sleep but don't feel them passing by. You slide your feet lazily through the sheets, and stay still for a moment or two and the thought that crosses your mind is "Why?"

Yes, a very simple "Why?" It could be the "Why" of misery, or the "Why" of hope, or the "Why" of laziness. And for someone as young as me, it's the "Why do i exist?" Believe it or not, like any person my age that question bothers me a lot. I looked at the book on my table, and suddenly it hit me.

Virginia Woolf, one of my favorite authors, and a personal role model of mine. She wrote all the way battling with her insanity, she said she heard those voices, and at the time no one could understand it's the characters talking to her. Much like, how Gabrielle, Seth or even Marina whisper in my head most of the time. It's like they're telling me "Write our story on paper, and we'll leave you alone."

And in other times in the night i wake up anxious, and it's "Come on, grab a cup of coffee and work on our story till dawn. Bring us to life... bring us to life."

But i don't drink coffee remember?

Now at Virginia's time, that was typical insanity, but in my time a writer is allowed to wrestle with his demons and characters. They call, and you should answer back.. only i don't have the time. But then, that very familiar voice tells me "You don't have time for your own destiny?"
July 15, 2005
13:24
The Living Green Ride...
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

I bet.. we don't see that sign in Jordan... but let's carry on...

So the first thing we're gonna learn in living green. Is to walk, run, use a bicycle, or take the public transportation system (i know it suxx, especially for a girl). Why? Let's talk basic science, the current cars produce Carbon dioxide, one of the greenhouse gases. Greenhouse gases, are gases that contribute to global warming (that is the average of temeperature on earth increasing). Believe it or not, if %70 of the people using cars right now, took Public Transportation as an alternative, a drastic change will be seen. Why? Because, each person is operating a car to travel on his own, however a bus will transport 30 people in a relatively equal energy.

Now, walking to your destination is an even better solution. Why? Ever noticed how the levels of obesity throughout the world increased, maybe because human inventions are making sure we get lazier by time. I bet by the year 2020, we'll be put in fridges and served in birthdays, by aliens that is.

The second step in living green is... Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle.

For more info on the emissions of the middle east, please check the MENA charts
July 12, 2005
18:45
Celebrating the 10th Of July
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

Are you familiar with The Greenpeace NGO? Did you wake on the 10th of July thinking... It's the 20th anniversary of the bombing of the Rainbow Warrior? If not.. proceed.

Most of the people around wonder why i love wearing my Rainbow Bracelet. And yes some of you are nodding right now, just like many people nod. The rainbow has been the symbol for many communities including the Greenpeace Organization. An organization am proud to consider myself from. The Rainbow Warrior was a ship that sailed in different seas for different causes protesting against French Nuclear Testing, Whaling, and sealing. However, in the 10th of July,1985 the ship was sunk by the French agents.

The Rainbow Warrior was officially launched in Hamburg on July 10, 1989, the anniversary of the sinking of her predecessor. The voice of truth still thuds, and the Greenpeace organization will live forever. One of my dreams is to sail on the Rainbow Warrior, as a matter of fact am volunteering as soon as i finish my BA.

Did you stop nodding?

Good. Cause for the next week, I am gonna be talking about crucial Greenpeace issues. I am gonna take you on a one week ride to the most life altering facts.

Buckle up.. wait.. we're not taking the car this time... first rule of thumb in living green.

Run... grab your running shoes people.
1:01
New Skin
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

Let me tell you the story of a small girl who always dreamed of becoming an astronaut, and in some phase settled for Psychology, and finally realized her true destiny is with... well an english/spanish major or English language & Literature Major. We're talking about a girl who always prefered Minor chords while playing her guitar, and now it's time to pick a major, and then the Journalism option dawns in. I am not sure what i want to be if you ask me, i love writing, i love playing sports, i love design, i love music. I just love life, and i have so many dreams that i may need various lifetimes to achieve, but am determined to make some of them come true.

A new skin.. better or worse people? Comfy.. eyewise?? By the way, typewriters are one of my hobbies, I love reading about them, storing their pictures, and perhaps when i get older collect some of them. The typewriter featured in my blog, is one of my favorites beside the Oliver. The main advantage of this typwriter [Remington Noiseless 8]... as you can guess it's noiseless..

Noiseless.. just like my life, i am silent most of the time only thinking what to write in my very next story or novel. Come to think of it... Remington should be my middle name...
July 11, 2005
2:06
Music Freaks...
» ‎ Chronicles Of A Utopian Writer (jordan)

Freakish, that's for Roba.. cause i've been hearing "Over The Hills And Far Away". And i read Roba's post and i am like holy crap!! Led Zepplin, The Beatles, and Ace Of Base are must for my everyday, especially in the stressful days... "As My Guitar Weeps" keeps on spinning in my head all day. Since we're talking about music today, let's discuss peer pressure... hmm seems irrelevant huh??

You see in my school days (it sounds so far away), I used to notice how the "Musical Tastes" of my fellow friends were affected by the "Music Police". So you always hear the "Fashion Police", "Music Police" is a very simliar term with a few differences, at least when you follow some fashion you can comprehend what color you're wearing, or what kind of trousers you bought. So the cool popular girl in school loves a godforsaken band that doesn't even play their chords right, and the rest of the school follow blindly... because it's stylish to hear Avril Lavigne when you're wearing those black jelly bracelets, and it's easy to love Amr Diab when everyone seems to love him (Hey, am his biggest fan however), and it's even more great to listen to thy stylish cute guy who dances
around.

Most of the girls were hearing what's "Hip" , rather what they really liked. I had to face a rather idiotic girl back in my days, as i was hearing Bob Marley's "Sun Is Shining", she tapped on my shoulder asking me what am hearing. And i said "Sun is shining."

Girl: "Is that a beyonce song?"
Amino: No it's Bob Marley's.
Girl: "Meen hada?"
Amino: The King Of Reggae.
Girl: Hmm, eish ya3ni?
Amino: Reggae is a music genre originating from Jamaica. :: starting to get annoyed::
Girl: Zay Sean Paul?
Amino: 3aleeki noor, bs Bob was more into the Rastafari movement.
Girl: Meen?
Amino: nevermind *sigh*
Girl: Balla ma Sean Paul gamar.
Amino: *shrugs* ahaa..

Now that's the example of the first type of Music Fashion freaks.., and i refer to them as:
It's-either-top-of-the-charts-or-nothing people!

You shouldn't be hearing what's fashionable, you should adore the music rather than listen to it passively. And you shouldn't feel bad, when someone laughs if you say you're hearing Namie Amuro, Melissa Etheridge, Within Temptation, Morcheeba, or even Rupaul!! It's your taste of music, you shouldn't be influenced by what they "Think is good".

Then there is the "Hip Hop Cool" kind of people, who laugh when you tell them you're hearing anything but Rock and Hip Hop. And even mock you if you're hearing Britney or Thalia. Okay, note to self, i can't believe i just said the B Word.. did i ever mention how much Britney gets on my nerves (her songs are o-kay however). So if you're not hearing Linkin Park or 50 Cent... then you're the biggest loser.

Now that's the example of the second type of Music Fashion Freaks... and i refer to them as:
The Obnoxious Delirious Jay-Z Wannabes.

Finally, there are those who start to judge you according to what you're hearing. so, if the singer is a drug
addict, they lecture you about his addiction, if he's ugly they preach that he's hideous. Do i care if his
great-great grandmother was a prostitute, or if people say he's dating a woman 30 years younger. Look, leave
people alone 'kay? They didn't bring their music into life so we can judge them. So these kind of people start
telling you what to hear and what not to hear, according to their sense of right and wrong, and their obligation
to save you from hell.

Now that's the example of the third type of Music Fashion Freaks... and i refer to them as:
Hear-my-music-or-be-judged people!!

Does this sound gibberish to anyone? Cause am sure at least one of you got into this situation. Music is a form of self expression, i don't think everyone will like it the same way. So live with your music...

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